Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don’t have to. But you probably will, because I’m hilarious. 

(Source: nufang)

guys please, I cannot answer all 0 messages

unf-hans:

thefrozenfractals:

blockchiken:

vanguard-of-courage:

blockchiken:

vinny-licious:

blockchiken:

alora-witch:

reeses-peixes:

prettyflyforaredspy:

raceagainstelegance:

suyedah:

a wallet that will never be stolen from your purse

omg

omfg

oh

that’s fucking brilliant

how, by putting a dollar in gift wrap?

"gift wrap"

i don’t get it

it’s not gift wrap

then what is it?

unf-hans:

thefrozenfractals:

blockchiken:

vanguard-of-courage:

blockchiken:

vinny-licious:

blockchiken:

alora-witch:

reeses-peixes:

prettyflyforaredspy:

raceagainstelegance:

suyedah:

a wallet that will never be stolen from your purse

omg

omfg

oh

that’s fucking brilliant

how, by putting a dollar in gift wrap?

"gift wrap"

i don’t get it

it’s not gift wrap

then what is it?

killbenedictcumberbatch:

why do white people think having a confederate flag anywhere on your property screams anything other than “im a blatant racist and slavery was cool”

pruderanch:

200% sure that all of my friend have secret meetings where they just talk about how annoying I am

(Source: religiousmom)

Miley gets upset because she says that a fan got in trouble for taking pictures

(Source: shescyrus)

neutral-voice:

ohdearhermione:

do you ever feel like your future is slipping away while you’re laughing at stupid puns on tumblr

My future isn’t slipping. It’s tumbling

(Source: iloveyoueveryday24)

(Source: opiette)

teawithaview:

Have you ever started to check your tumblr in the middle of getting dressed and half an hour later you’re still standing in your underwear with one sock on and also 15 minutes late.

ollygollymolly:

This is my proudest moment.

ollygollymolly:

This is my proudest moment.

(Source: petitepluume)

mom : did you eat all the donuts
me : no
mom : why are you lying to me i can see all the powder on your pants
me : thats cocaine
systemofadowny:

 hahahhaha pout lyf

systemofadowny:

 hahahhaha pout lyf